she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Everclear isn't food dammit
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
