i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize