tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
