He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
