No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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