My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize