every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
