i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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