Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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