i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
