If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
