Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
