I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
