the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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