Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
