Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
