Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
