you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
