you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
