Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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