Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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