Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
