I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
