Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
How naked do you want me to be?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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