Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I didn't notice because vodka
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
