Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
We left the knife in your bed.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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