Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im holly from the hills drunk
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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