I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
