margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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