my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Randomize
