so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Randomize