Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
