Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
