whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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