I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
