this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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