"it" just moved
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I fill condoms, not promises.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
