I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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