my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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