last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
