Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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