I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
