Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
