it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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