I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
