I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
