Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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