woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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