just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
