Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
