The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
where are my eyebrows?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
