The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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