my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Also, beer. Big fan.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
