ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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