....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
