She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
