Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
