I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
