I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
