ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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